The speakers began blaring music from the 80s, and more paranoid thoughts sprouted. It was making me lose. Those minigolf people are playing 80s music to taunt me. They're calling me old.
|Courtesy British Library.|
Then I had a stroke. Of genius--I'm not that old. Maybe what I needed wasn't skill (actually, that would have helped), but my very own corrosive soundtrack to demoralize my opponent. I'd play innocent-seeming music that would waft its way into the subconscious, and defeat the enemy from within.
Because it would kill me to lose to a 10 year old.
A truly successful playlist, I reasoned--or hallucinated, I'm not sure which: it was very hot--a truly devious playlist should conjure an endless series of mis-hits; physics-defying bad luck; deflating searches for golf balls; and the inevitability of defeat. My playlist (of Doom) would sound like this:
- Cups/You're Gonna Miss Me When I'm Gone - Anna Kendrick
- Walk 500 Miles - The Proclaimers
- Heartache Tonight - The Eagles
- While My Guitar Gently Weeps - The Beatles
- The Bitterest Pill - The Jam
- Where Are U Now - Skrillex & Diplo With Justin Bieber
- Over the Hills and Far Away - Led Zeppelin
- Defying Gravity - Idina Menzel
- Crying, Waiting, Hoping - The Beatles
- Living on a Prayer - Bon Jovi
- You Can’t Always Get What You Want - Rolling Stones
- Story of My Life - One Direction
- Best Thing I Never Had - Beyonce
- I'm a Loser-The Beatles
- I Fall to Pieces - Patsy Cline
- I Swear - All-4-One
- All Night Long (All Night) - Lionel Richie
- Help - The Beatles
- Another One Bites the Dust - Queen
- Desperado - The Eagles
- Good Riddance - Green Day
- I Knew You were Trouble - Taylor Swift
- Here, There, and Everywhere - The Beatles
It's possible the Beatles played a lot of golf. They had the right mindset.